The Enchanting Soul.

A dazzling subject caught my life, a soul it is.
Every single step it makes, the wind blows through,
beautifies all flaws.

White like a lamb, green like a field,
Its intonation cures every anger.
Clarity is all it has, upon tears or sweat.

Feels yellow with it.
Feels blue without it.

Even though tables turn and bridges burn,
we always do live and learn.

I adore that soul, just because.
I will surely keep on loving that soul.

Although,
"Time heals everything, even the universe can not deny."

Rocketeer

I was not a rocketeer,

I could not handle one big wave of dream,

and drive them through the endless hallway of the sky.

Could not strive for the scar and eliminate the stream.

I have once tried being a rocketeer,

I have moved my wings towards the peak,

passed through the cracked marble steep and burst into tears,

no hands I could reach, and so I fell off the brick.

And again I asked myself,

"Could there be a dream?"

Old memories twisted, imaginations disputed.

There are so many labyrinths in this world,

that I have never been able to solve. 

In the end, I went outside,

felt the intense air slashing my thick skin,

saw the vast earth which people call it 'round'.

It was just an endless, long route,

which I will not know where I would stand in the future.

All the questions, all the doubts,

I believe it would all be answered someday, somehow.

So then I chose to.. Breathe.

I will keep on moving,

along with the dream, it is still right there anyway.

Our lives are rockets, and we are the rocketeers,

and I never care about how fast I am going.

I believe the moon will always be waiting for me forever,

I believe the asteroids will always be challenging,

I believe the zero gravity will always be the pole to stand,

Therefore, I will always find a reason to smile.

Failure: Jimmy Wales Is Good At It

So in this post, I'm going to write a bit about a video lecture in Maastricht University by the genius Jimmy Wales, Founder of Wikipedia. His 50 minutes lecture was so inspiring yet amusing, gave me this new insight about how difficult his process was towards his goal.

I've once heard that a good leader ought to have some sense of humor--and not to mention, Jimmy Wales is good at it. The way he speaks (relaxed yet well-structured), his intonation, and his way to embrace the audience have no doubts. I found myself giggling and laughing for a couple of times while watching his speech. Such a 50 minutes well-spent.

You will hear these words that Jimmy Wales said several times throughout his speech:

"Failure, Jimmy Wales is good at it"

Well maybe it's just because the main topic of the lecture is 'Failure', but I personally think as a virtual spectator that he has a full right to say those words, knowing that he had passed so many difficult stages of life (called the failures) and they're really full of pain. Well let's say that he loves failing too much, yet now he ends up being a billionaire.

About the content of his speech, well I have to skip that part because you should watch the whole of it by yourself to know the details about his past failures and prove that he's beyond awesome. I attached the video at the bottom of this post. But don't worry I'll tell you these 9 inspiring lessons that I got from his speech:

1. Wikipedia's original and absolute vision --and I personally think it's really great. It is for every single person on the planet, given free access to the sum of all human knowledge.

2. Choose the right inspirational figure for a model. "When people think about entrepreneurship, the model they have in their mind is really a model for someone like Mark Zuckerberg, who basically didn't have too many failures in his life. He had one great idea and executed it incredibly well at a very young age and became incredibly successful. But actually that isn't a very normal path, and it isn't a very useful model for people starting out a career, or thinking about doing something innovative or entrepreneurial."

3. His countless experience of being an entrepreneur in the 'real' world. Mostly failures.

4. Have some positive hobbies. His hobby is computer programming. Well that's pretty....cool (for someone who has a Ph.D. in finance obviously).

5. Learn to see the unseen. To see the details in everything, find potentials in it and you'll find unique ideas.

6. Keep on believing in yourself that you will succeed someday, even though now you're falling.

7. Make the workers not workers, but more like volunteers. To create a more fun, productive, and innovative work environment. (Just a statement, don't worry the salaries still remain the same.)

8. Brilliant ideas come from crazy, dumb ideas, and from failures too.

9. Don't be afraid to fail, we're still young anyway. "Fail faster, iterate quickly."


The lessons Jimmy Wales has learnt:

"You have this one big dream or idea, and you're so emotionally invested in it that it's very hard for you to fail. You put too much of yourself into it and instead of what you should do is small experiments. Don't invest everything in it, don't arrange your entire life so that this one idea you have is the only possible way to succeed. Do small tests, and then fail faster and iterate very quickly.

Don't tell your ego to a particular business. For example, if I tied my ego to the original design of Nupedia (his failed project before Wikipedia), I would've said "It won't work" and I would've stopped there. But I didn't. I had to really re-thinking it and re-launched it in a completely different way. (and that's how Wikipedia was born)

The thing is, real entrepreneurs  fail and fail and fail and fail. The key is, enjoy yourself along the way, and in the end you will succeed."

Here's the video:

My wish is for us, to keep on believing in ourselves that winners never quit and quitters never win, just like Jimmy Wales who never quits.

"Dialing down is not an option for me"

-Jimmy Wales

"Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long..

We keep moving forward, open up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious..

And curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."

-Walt Disney

Just One Random Thought Under The Moonlight.

Drenched with the idea about how things would be like in 10 years from now -- really spins my head off.

Seeing the moon, makes me want to eat it.
Perfect round, beautiful light, touched up by the innocent feel,
And its surroundings--looks like my favourite soft vanilla biscuit, with chocolate chips on top.

Suddenly a thought came to mind..

I am currently blessed by having my tremendously lovable family by my side who always support me in every situation I'm in, and these two uproarious friends beside me who always remind me to study hard for the sake of my scores, plus a group of some annoying zebras who always laugh their asses off, always surrounded by great times with their exceptionally odd laptop games but still, they are unexpectedly loving at the same time--I assume, a really kind and trustworthy friend whose boyfriend is my colleague and also one of the zebras I mentioned, and last but not least, this special man to the heart who always spares his time for me (for both of us) whenever needed, the only man whom I gave a place among places in my outmoded heart. (Not included my dad and little brother obviously, that would be three)

This question has been spinning inside my head for a while and I'm about to pour this out,

"Will I be ready to face the future changes of my current life state?"
.
.
.
I shall answer someday.
And I'm looking forward to that day.

Untuk Kamu, Dari Aku.

"Suaramu yang khas selalu menarik perhatianku,
Candamu yang kadang tak umum, menjadi daya tarik utamamu,
Senyumanmu, menyembuhkan penyakit hati,
Kesabaranmu, menjadi kekuatan yang membentengi perpecahan,
Keikhlasanmu, membuat kita saling memaafkan.

Serta keseluruhan dirimu,

yang selalu membuatku –

ingin menjadi manusia –

yang bisa memperbaiki diri,

untuk menjadi lebih baik –

dari hari ke hari."

Dwangga Rizky Nugraha
10 Mei 2015

Frozen In Time

'We can't see the future, but we can foresee it.'

The moment my fingers slightly touched the strings,

that deep sound, full of sorrow,

I couldn't bare to finish the song.

-----------------

This hopeless scent, 

no, 

faint scent of my breath,

hitting the wall 'til it cracked.

'Oh, is this how it feels to be left alone?'

.

.

I'm feeling it now.

To see the rain falling and flowing on the other side of the window,

dark petal it is, I wish it was snow.

Crystal clear-- the sound of the rain,

slowly, stealthy, competing my tears.

Open the door, the furious wind invaded towards me.

I know it'd harm me but I need fresh air,

'cause the cracked wall throttled me, 

I helplessly feel uneasy.

'Ah, so this is how rain feels like'

So cold, yet so gentle,

Soaking my clothes and my trembling body.

Tastes like lemonade, 

or maybe my tongue's already tasted too much tears.

Look up, I can see the unclear sky.

no birds, or stars, because it's raining I can tell.

Such a dark, pitch black, lonely sky,
yet I'm still questioning something unforgivable,

'Are they looking at the same lonely sky right now?'

Perhaps our lonely skies are connected after all.

Yes, it sucks.

I just don't understand anymore,

how life can be so cruel sometimes.

.

.

so cruel, it freezes me.

[Simple]

 Life is pretty simple from my eyes,

To see things which can be seen,
to hear sounds and voices which can be heard,
to do things which can be done,
and to love, to care, to share,
to sympathize.

I've once had my passion on an artistic track,
I really, really, really loved to paint, to draw.
And I dreamed to be a famous graphic designer, or to be a novel illustrator.

But somehow I got myself into this Engineering World.
Which, can be assumed, as a 'wrong' way for me to choose.
I hated math, I hated physics,
and I knew nothing about informatics.

Then I soon realized,
That this life is not always to be on a track that you want.

Because this life is short,
You just have to Go Explore! 

Do things, Try new things,
Adapt with new people from different backgrounds,
Just say Hi! and you'll be remembered.

But remember, don't let the bad times let you down.
Maybe sometimes you have problems because of-
some personal reasons,
and when people judge you for that,

don't worry.
Just say sorry, and let it be a lesson.
Don't blame yourself for too long,
because nobody's perfect after all.

You are awesome,
Everybody is awesome,
Just say to yourself that you are awesome! 

And you'll be happy.
Indeed.


//LifeIsSimpleAfterAll

Time flies too fast

Never been to this city before
And my first time feels like forever
The old me was a stranger
Now i barely know her

Yesterday i was a kid
Holding my mom's hand
Crying my heart out
I had nothing to endure

Moving out felt like drizzle
When clarity was all beyond me
When future was still far ahead
When love was still a game

Time after time, i regret
Wasting all that i have behind a wall
A lot of stories remain in my heart
While i'm flying beneath the unseen

Still, could there be a dream?
I want to go back to the ones that have no sin,
I want to go back to the time when all people understand me,
And now everything seems changing in seconds,

And still changing, time after time.

happiness?

Ah. Long time no see. I miss blogging.

To be honest, college life is killing me and there's nothing i could do to help myself from bleeding into the sea of homeworks and projects. But the fact i'm ruined doesn't make me a peanut butter and jelly who stays at home for thousands of reasons. Fortunately I still have a life, tho.

These past few months, I mean years, no, hmm,
A year and 3 months?

Things been goin on, and i've been struggling a lot, i mean, really, A LOT. And the way things happened to me just make me think.. Its such a shame how people see things just for money. I mean, really, Haven't you all felt the same way? People are dying just for money, success is money and relates to happiness. but really, is it all that it is?

my point of view:
Happiness is not always about money, Duit tuh gak selamanya mewakili kebahagiaan lo.
Rich people, poor people, they're all the same. Not all poor people are suffering, instead of happy being enough. And not all rich people are lucky, sometimes when they have too much money, they will use it to buy expensive things, and yes they'll look fancy, but when they can buy everything, or when one of them got awarded as the fanciest person on earth, then what? is it useful? no. Someday we will die anyway. what's the point of having too much money if those money wouldn't be for good deeds or for benefaction to other people?

I mean, if your money just drills for your own good, you will stuck at some point. But if your money goes on for charity (for example), that kind of happiness will be evergreen.

Because all that matters is yourself. You can feel happy being with the right people around you, or when you help people, or maybe that feel of being enough and just don't need any excessive things to complete you. The controller of a happiness is only you. Money comes and goes, but happiness doesn't. Sometimes you might feel that your previous happiness has gone, but actually it hasn't, your previous happiness has just stored itself back down in your memory. So happiness never goes away.

If you're feeling miserable just because you don't have money, think about it. Money is just one of a billion trillion keys out there that could open up a door to happiness. it's not always money that could give you happiness. For one tiny example, have you heard about the landslide in Banjarnegara? Awful rite? And when you see those people crying, stumbling, struggling, seeing their family passed away, how did you feel? sad? angry? wanting to help? Help them then. You'll feel a glimpse of happiness the moment you helped them. Trust me.

Rajawali

Berlipat ganda cerita di negeri kita,

Terukir jiwa, kadang teriris belati.

Penuh tangki ini, penuh oleh candra,

Meminta laut permata, tanpa berbakti.

Lihat mereka diluar sana,

Yang setetes air bagai bongkahan emas baginya,

Yang sesuap nasi adalah harta untuknya,

Lihat mereka sekali lagi, sekali lagi.

Sekiranya hujan pun tahu,

Walau mata tak melihat,

Para leluhur yang darah nya membanjiri ibu pertiwi,

Gugur dalam impian kemerdekaan negeri ini.

Kita, para pemuda yang seharusnya menjadi cermin mereka,

Cermin mereka, para pejuang bangsa.

Beribu-ribu potensi kita,

Tapi tak tampak, hanya karna ragu.

Wahai generasi penerus bangsa,

Lihat betapa megah nya negeri ini,

Terbanglah jauh nan tinggi

 laksana Rajawali,

Sudahkah kalian mengabdi?

(A poem I wrote for opening Passion Talk ITS EXPO 2014)

Something You Have to Concern About: Empty Roads at Night Warn You to Be Careful and Stay Safe.

I was with my two friends last night, and we went to a restaurant nearby. We parked our car normally in a parking lot and enjoyed our meals and did our happy chit-chats and so on, and then we finished and went back to our car to go home. We didn't directly go, we were kind of chatting for awhile inside the car, until we heard something loud..

     BAM!     

A motorcycle was hit by a hatchback car. At first, I only looked from the rearview mirror to see what had happened, because the crash happened behind our car.
Then we literally saw 2 girls from the motorcycle...bleeding, a lot. 

At that moment, we instantly went out from the car to see closely, and unfortunately we did see a lot more of.......blood. 

the girls were still in college, they wore some kind of uniform. There were one girl with short hair and one girl with long hair. the girl with short hair wasn't hurt a lot, but the one with long hair had wounds all over her body, and the wounds were insane..it was the first time i saw something like that closely with my two eyes.

We were extreeeeemely panicked, and there weren't enough people to help because the road was empty enough to be called empty. The 'suspected one' (the one who drove the car who hit the motorcycle) was still in high school and she's a girl (she simply didn't know anything and couldn't do a lot), so one of my friends stayed with her to explain everything she had to do, while my other friend and I took the injured girls to a hospital nearby.

So what I'm trying to tell all the readers is, be careful for you who often drive at night, especially on deserted roads.

Once again, be careful and stay safe.

"May the force be with you." 

-Star Wars

Explore all your potentials. Never give up.

This age, people are all letting their guts out. instead of running away, most of them choose to chase it up. Why? I bet all of you have a lot of correct answers to answer my question. Yes, all we want is to live happily and have a prosperous life. Most of us reach for "diamonds" and try everything we could to not falling down to the black hole called the "failure" and be in there for the rest of our lives. 

If what you gonna say is no different with what i've just stated above, then believe me, you have to be ready to COMPETE with anyone no matter what happens. I'm gonna say that this age (again), GPA scores in college (or IPK in indonesian....in case you don't get what i'm saying) is not that important and i'm not just briefly saying this. My dad has also told me the same (with his unimaginable number of experiences in college and also in his work life), his GPA scores were just "okay" (i mean that my grandolds had not given a lot of appreciations to my father back then) (lol sorry dad) (hehe i'm just retelling your story) (in case you read my blog right now) . But what i'm saying is don't get too deeply into your scores, because what matters is your action to move out and look for opportunities. Find competitions, let yourself compete. And more important: find your passion, or at least what you good at, what action suits you best. Personal Branding is what people say.

A lot of people are afraid of failure. But for me, failing is the process of growing up, i learn from my failures, and (in case you're asking) i haven't just copied that words from random sites in google believe me those words have just come out all of a sudden. Never get tired of trying, you'll win eventually. 

"what if: i've been trying like a zillion times and all i get were all failures and then i start to feel tired and nervous for giving another try after trying for those zillion times?" (if someone asks that question and you get a little dizzy after hearing that train-a-like question)

All i can say is, nothing to lose. I've always said the "nothing to lose" word before i compete in every competition. But actually i often lose. For the record, i've only won twice in two competitions (fyi i won second place and fourth place without getting any first places), and in addition, failed three times in three competitions. But my father keeps saying this to me "When you try something, you'll get something. And that is part of growing up. Winning is just a bonus".

(actually the reason why i write this post is because i'm in the middle of a competition week right now and i don't know what to expect. besides, nothing to lose after all)

"Never, ever, ever, give up."
-My Parents

it is now up to you

Money.

Why does everything has to be related to money?

For things such as:
1. Love
2. Making group of friends
3. Existence
4. Self-satisfaction
5. prestige
6. to be respected
7. can talk big
8. kindness

If only i could answer, if only i could answer an answer that could replicate my inner mind. because in reality, there is no answer and there will never be.

So it is now up to you, what do you wanna do with your money.

But think first, where did you get those money?

Does everything seem right to be done with those money, after you've known the source?

think again.

Something I hide.

"My mom wears veil. And i'm a proud daughter."

As moslems, girls do have something to wear, the veil. But wearing veil isn't as simple as wearing long sleeved shirts or long pants below the sun, isn't as simple as wearing sunglasses in a dark room, or wearing sandals in the ocean.

Wearing veil needs guts, needs intention. Once you wear your veil, you can't take it off. The purpose is to let yourself be closer to God. It is a rule that ladies have to cover everything from her head to toe.

But what I hide is sadness. I found a lot of people whose religions aren't moslem glanced at my mom with their displeasing faces and gestures. These happened in 3 foreign countries where I had visited. It's just not fair, everybody was supposed to appreciate the diversities in religions. But why....did that happen.

My mom realized that she was being glanced at. And she saw their faces and gestures.

But what made me feel like I'm the proudest kid was when my mom saw and realized that "incident" happen and looked at me whose face was worried and said, "It's okay, wearing veil was my decision since years ago, and I have no regrets" and then she smiled.

At that moment, I found that my mom's really pretty when she smiled, prettier than before. her smile was sincere.

Yes, I have the coolest mom on earth.

(cerpen fiksi #1) DESA PERUT NAGA

(written & illustrated by Nadhira Fidelia)

Namaku Evelyn, aku tinggal di Desa Perut Naga dengan masyarakat desa lainnya. Kami semua bekerja untuk raja kita, Sang Naga Besar.

Sang Naga besar selalu bertempur, dengan apinya tentunya. Kadang beberapa dari kita berfikir, “dari manakah datangnya api naga tersebut?” Jawabannya adalah dari jerih payah masayarakat di desa Perut Naga, desa dimana kami tinggal dan bekerja.

Api yang keluar dari mulut Sang Naga berasal dari pembakaran tumbuhan-tumbuhan yang kami tanam setiap harinya. Tumbuhan-tumbuhan tersebut akan dimasukkan kedalam Lubang Hitam, lubang yang sangat besar dan gelap, tidak ada satu orangpun yang berani mengintip kedalamnya, karena apapun yang jatuh kedalam lubang tersebut akan terbakar menjadi bara api yang selanjutnya akan disimpan didalam tabungan api Sang Naga.

Jadi beginilah hidup kami, pagi siang malam bekerja untuk raja kami. Ingin sekali aku merasakan hidup diluar sana, dimana gadis-gadis seumurku merasakan pahit manisnya hidup serta cinta. Ah, bukan hanya itu, aku juga ingin bisa melihat keadaan dunia diluar sana, sepertinya mengagumkan.

------------- 

Namaku Edward, aku sudah lama tinggal di Desa Perut Naga, bekerja untuk Sang Raja tanpa kenal lelah. Semua orang sudah mengenalku dengan julukan ‘Si Anak Naga’ karena semangat kerjaku yang tinggi.

Selain semangat kerjaku yang tak ada tandingannya, sudah beberapa minggu ini aku memperhatikan seorang gadis sederhana yang menurutku sangat baik hati dan pekerja keras, namun orang-orang menganggap remeh dirinya karena dia satu-satunya remaja perempuan yang paling muda dan tubuhnya kecil. Gadis itu perlu kereta dorong untuk mengangkut tumbuhan-tumbuhan dimana tidak ada seorang pun yang membutuhkannya. Karena itu, semua orang meremehkannya. Gadis itu bernama Evelyn.

 ------------

Aku ingin mengambil kereta dorong yang biasa aku parkirkan di samping pohon ek, namun tiba-tiba aku terkena lemparan tomat dari tetanggaku, Reina. Reina yang selalu membenciku lalu tertawa sambil menunjuk kearahku, “Evelyn! Kamu memang lemah! Buat apa kamu perlukan kereta dorong tua itu?! Kamu hanya bisa membawa lima wortel dan lima ikat sawi dengan kereta itu, sedangkan kami semua mampu membawa puluhan dengan kedua tangan kami! Hahaha dasar kamu lemah tidak berguna dan tidak akan pernah berguna!”

Dan, betul. Semua orang yang mendengar teriakkan Reina ikut tertawa karena aku juga tahu kalau mereka semua meremehkanku. Lalu, ketika semua orang sudah selesai menertawakanku dan pergi, aku menemukan sebuah surat didalam kereta dorongku.

Maka aku naik ke puncak pohon ek, dan aku kaget ketika sampai puncak pohon dan bertemu dengan tangga yang sangat tinggi hingga ke langit, dan aku heran karena tangga ini tidak pernah terlihat keberadaannya sebelumnya. Tapi karena penasaran, tanpa pikir panjang aku telah sampai di anak tangga tertinggi.

Aku berada di anak tangga yang paling tinggi.

"Apa ini? Kenapa begitu indah?" kata-kata itu dengan sendirinya keluar dari mulutku.

Oh, aku sedang melihat apa yang Sang Naga lihat. Ternyata aku berada di jendela mata Sang Naga. Aku melihat cahaya matahari yang besar dan indah, dan pepohonan yang lebat. Aku baru tahu dunia diluar seperti apa. Wujudku memang manusia, namun aku belum pernah melihat dan menginjakkan kakiku di tanah dunia. Aku tidak tahu harus berterima kasih sebesar apa kepada siapapun yang menunjukkanku tempat seperti ini. Hadiah terbesar yang pernah kuterima.

Tiba-tiba aku teringat dengan pekerjaanku, lalu secara spontan aku turun kebawah untuk melanjutkannya. Aku kembali mengangkut wortel dan sawi menuju lubang hitam.

Aku sudah sampai di gerbang Lubang Hitam. Aku bertemu dengan Edward, sosok lelaki yang dipuji semua orang karena kerja kerasnya. Aku jarang bertemu Edward, karena aku malu dengan statusku yang selalu diremehkan, berbeda jauh dengan dirinya. Aku sudah lama mengagumi Edward, karena sifatnya yang tidak mudah menyerah dan wajahnya yang mempesona. Tak lama, Edward menyapaku.

“Apakah kau tidak bergabung dengan yang lainnya di taman? Aku dengar Reina mengadakan pesta wortel karena dirinya memecahkan rekor membawa 70 wortel dengan satu tangan”

“Ah, tidak. Aku terlalu malu melihatkan keberadaanku disana. Bagaimana dengan kamu? Bukankah acaranya akan semakin seru jika ‘Si Anak Naga’ ikut bergabung? Hahaha.” Jawabku sambil tertawa malu.

“Hahaha, aku tidak terlalu suka keramaian. Lebih baik aku disini bekerja memasukkan wortel dan sawi kedalam lubang hitam. Oh iya, silakan kalau kamu mau duluan memasukkan bawaanmu ke lubang hitam, aku setelah giliranmu saja.”

Maka aku berjalan ke tepi lubang hitam. Namun seketika aku terpeleset dan kereta dorongku terjatuh kedalam lubang hitam, dan secara spontan aku ingin mengambilnya namun Edward langsung menahan gerakanku dan mencoba menangkap kereta dorong tersebut. Dan ketika Edward mencoba menangkap, dirinya pun tidak mampu menangkap dan jatuh ke lubang hitam, namun untungnya dia masih bisa bertahan dengan berpegangan di tepi lubang.

Aku mencoba menarik tangan Edward. Namun tubuh Edward jauh lebih besar dan jauh lebih berat dariku sedangkan tubuhku sangat kecil dan kurus. Dan aku menengok ke sekitar dan  tidak ada wujud seorangpun karena semua orang sedang berpesta di taman. Edward lalu berkata sambil mencoba bertahan,

“Sudah, Ev. Tidak perlu panggil mereka.”

Aku panik dan bingung, akhirnya air mataku menetes. Sambil memegang tangan Edward dan merasakan urat-uratnya yang tegang karena sedang mencoba bertahan, aku berkata “Maafkan aku Ed, Ini semua karena kecerobohanku.”

“Tidak, Ev. Maafkan aku karena aku tidak sanggup menangkap kereta dorongmu, aku tahu kamu tidak dapat bekerja dengan kereta dorong itu. Setelah ini, aku mau kau pergi ke rumahku dan mengambil kereta dorong peninggalan kakekku di gudang. Ah, aku sudah tidak tahan lagi, sepertinya aku akan melepas tanganku.”

“Edward! Tahan!” Aku mencoba menarik tangan Edward lagi, namun apa daya, aku terlalu kecil.

“Ev, mulai hari ini jangan pernah kau beri tahu ke siapapun tentang kejadian ini. Anggap tidak terjadi apa-apa. Maafkan aku, Ev.”

“Edward! Tolong tahan, Ed! Aku akan coba cari seseorang di sekitar sini yang bisa menarikmu, kamu tunggu dan coba tetap bertahan!” Lalu aku berbalik badan, berdiri untuk berlari mencari bantuan.

“Ev!” suara itu menghentikanku. “Ev! Sudah kubilang tak perlu kamu pergi ke taman itu! Taman itu sangat jauh dan aku tidak bisa bertahan lama lagi, tanganku sudah terlalu sakit. Sudahlah, Ev. Biarkan saja aku.”

Aku berbalik badan lagi, berlari menuju Edward dan memegang tangannya sambil menangis. Tiba-tiba Edward memanggil namaku dan berkata,

“Ev, sudahkah kamu naik ke puncak pohon ek? Indah bukan?”

Kata-kata itu membuatku terdiam. Hadiah terbesar dan terindah yang pernah kuterima ternyata adalah pemberian dari seseorang yang tak pernah aku duga sebelumnya.

“Selamat ulang tahun, Ev. Jangan lupa ambil kereta dorong di gudang rumahku.”

Lalu Edward melepaskan tangannya dan terjatuh kedalam lubang tersebut.

Aku melihat air matanya menetes ketika dia terjatuh, sambil menatapku dan tersenyum. Aku berteriak memanggil namanya, terus berteriak walaupun aku tahu aku tidak dapat mendapatkannya kembali. Aku sadar bahwa aku kehilangan satu-satunya orang yang telah memberikanku kebahagiaan yang akan berbekas selamanya di hatiku, di hari ulang tahunku.

lagi-lagi

lagi-lagi saya duduk disini,
depan saya ada jendela
depannya lagi ada pohon

lagi-lagi saya lupa
lupa sama semuanya
saya nggak tahu harus melakukan apa
saya lupa, saya hidup untuk apa?
untuk siapa?
untuk kemana?

lagi-lagi saya asal mengetik
di temani si nada yang berfrekuensi,
yang masuk ke telinga saya.
saya hanya mengetik,
menaiki bukit dan turun ke lembah,
karena mereka ada di setiap tepi frekuensi.

sudah lah jangan ngomongin frekuensi.
saya sudah muak sama fisika.

mengerti tidak maksud saya?
saya bosan.
saya bosan.
saya bosan.

bosan.
bosan.
kenapa hidup ini begitu membosankan.
saya suka malas keluar dari sudut berjendela ini.
lebih baik disini, hening.

tapi kenapa, kenapa saya begitu bosan.
apakah tak ada hal lain yang menarik perhatian saya?

kenapa bumi ini bulat?
kenapa nggak kotak?
atau segitiga?
saya suka heran.
kenapa buah itu dinamakan apel?
kenapa nggak alp?
atau epal?
atau lepa?

lagi-lagi saya ngomong sendiri.
lagi-lagi.
lagi.
lagi.

lagi.

mikro meter

kadang saya suka berfikir.

hijau.

pohon itu hijau.

berjarak lima ratus meter dari pintu rumahku,

apa warnanya jika berjarak lima ratus mikro meter dari mataku?

apakah tetap hijau?

biru.

awan itu biru.

berjarak satu juta meter dari mataku,

apa warnanya jika berjarak satu mikro meter dari bola mataku?

apakah tetap biru?

indah.

senyuman itu indah.

berjarak sepuluh meter dari tempat ku berdiri.

seperti apa senyumannya jika berjarak sepuluh mikro meter dari mataku?

apakah tetap indah?

apakah semua yang saya bisa lihat dari jauh, sama dengan apa yang saya akan lihat dari dekat?

apakah semua hal dapat saya nilai berdasarkan penglihatan jarak jauh saya?

semuanya tidak berarti buruk, dan semuanya tidak berarti indah.

lihat sekali lagi, secara dekat.

Speech Text #1 (Should There Be A Ban on Using Animals for Testing Chemicals and Drugs?)

So, on september 2012 my friends and I were in Oxford, doing a speech competition and the good news is, we won second place. SMAN 6 Jakarta sent 4 students to compete in speech competition and 4 students to compete in debate competition.

I was in the speech team. Each of us had one script that we made by ourselves.

Here's my speech script.

SHOULD THERE BE A BAN ON USING ANIMALS FOR TESTING CHEMICALS AND DRUGS?

Hello, I’m Nadhira Fidelia speaking for Oxford Youth Elite’s Speech Competition 2012, for all listeners and also for all generations after us. I am one of many participants who are concerned about animal testing for chemicals and drugs that have been carried out since a really long time.

I am here to speak about some awful news and facts that I know from the news, and live from some places and people. Standing here, in front of you all, I want to tell the bad things that have been happening to the animals that suffer just for our kind’s goods.

I am here to speak for the countless animals dying just to give some good things for human’s sake. Knowing that, what makes us humans anyway?

Animal testing is basically making use of animals in experiments carried out for the betterment of human lives. These animal experiments are carried out by universities, pharmaceutical companies and even by students and researchers at medical schools. Animal testing helps in finding ways to help save lives of animals and humans by testing lifesaving drugs and processes.

I am against animal testing because animals can’t speak. They cannot tell us to stop hurting them while we are doing things that we know it’s hurting them. Animal testing should be banned.

I am sad to know that those animals help save lives of millions of humans, but in turn, thousands of these animals lose their lives.

Animal discomfort and death, species-extrapolation problems, and excessive time and expense. While we use all the things that were made by their suffering.

I am eager to say that animals do have rights. They are powerless, so they look to us for support. Some believe animals shouldn’t have rights because they don’t live like the way we live, because they can’t think like the way we think. They’re like babies, animals don’t have our abilities as the best living thing on Earth, so we should take more care of them. They cannot fend for themselves so we need to fend for them. I just don’t think it is fair to test on someone that has no say.

For all the ladies, have you ever realized that the mascara you use, the perfume you use or the lotion that you use everyday, were made after some rabbits’ death? Those rabbits died because of your perfumes before being enhanced. And for all the gentlemen, have you ever realized that the shampoo you use, the tissue you use or the muscle milk you often consume have killed the countless innocent chimpanzees? What would you think if you were that chimpanzee who suffered just for humans’ sake? Would you hate humans?

About 5 percent of all animal deaths by human beings result from animal testing, however, the number killed which is around 500 million is not inconsiderable. You must agree that 500 million animal deaths a year from animal testing is ridiculous. With all the alternative methods there is no reason why so many animals should die each year. Many believe that it is for a good cause because some of the tests benefit human beings. I disagree; a lot of the tests, which are done on animals, can be done on computers or on lower organisms such as bacteria.

I’ve known these alternative methods to use besides making animals as testing. There are in-vitro methods, which are in an artificial environment outside the living organism. Computer simulation of experiments is also a reliable source. Another alternative to animal testing is building databases of tests to avoid duplication. And also the Three-R’s which are: Replacement, Refinement and Reduction. Alternative methods are more cost effective, better predictors of human injury, produce far quicker results, and do not involve animal cruelty.

I know I’m no one but seeing those all, hearing those all, knowing those all, and using some of the things that have killed many innocent animals just make me sick. I know I’m no one but I really want the people that have no heart of killing those creatures realize what they’re doing yet there are alternative ways to do beside making them being tested. I know I’m just a 16 year-old girl yet I’m not afraid to tell the world about how I feel.

Another reason why people seem to agree with animal testing is because a majority of the tests are done on rats and mice. It is true that a large percentage of animal testing is done on rats and mice, however they are still animals. Their purpose in this world isn’t to be tested on; it is to be a member of the food chain and to breed. I don’t think it is fair to judge one animal’s level on the food chain as an acceptance to be tested on.

Have you ever imagined, 5,000 animals are used for each chemical being tested, with 12,000 needed to test pesticides? And without anesthesia or the injection that leads to unconsciousness. Imagine how hurt that could feel? And usually after that, they’ll be euthanized or being injected that leads to death.

If we keep experimenting animals, finally one day it will extinct and if that happens, a huge part of our nature will go. Animals are living things that deserve to live a life given to it. Just because we want a cream that tans our skin or milk that makes bigger muscle we CANNOT kill a living thing that is part of our world.

What would you feel if you were those animals? Being tested without mercy, being a specimen, being stabbed, sliced, injected, locked up and even being raised to be killed. It’s like living without happiness, living with no purpose. Do you want to live like that?

You can decide for yourself, whether you are against it or just a mute spectator to animal testing. Every door has two sides, so does animal testing. It is now up to each one of us to decide, which side do we choose.

Thank you for listening.